We expect foreigners to speak our language… So why the hell do we let computers get away with talking in ‘code’?

Why can’t I tell my computer what to do? Why is software so… obtuse? It’s usually obvious what we want it to do, why must we jump though unnecessary and hard to find steps to make it happen? Are the designers so embedded in their own semi-digital mindsets they don’t think in the same way as the users? Therefor they require the users to think like them?

Computer. I need a magazine template making, 40 pages, A4, 3mm margin on the pages, add some text boxes onto every page, and a couple of stock images onto each page. Thanks. Seriously. WHY cannot this already happen? WHY must I learn to use Indesign that has a million functions I don’t need at my fingertips and requires me to forage for what I do.

Literally, why cannot I simply type what I want? An actual user friendly interface rather than an ignorant one that requires me to learn the language of the software rather than the software understand my perfectly clear GOD GIVEN English. Computer. Publish this article on Disrupts.com for me. JUST DO IT. But no. I have to do all sorts of pissing about in WordPress back end for the same effect.

Why must all school kids learn ‘code’ that then requires constant updates in order to remain relevant? How about all the computers instead ‘learn English?’ Is it beyond the wit of software engineers to develop this type of user interface? Really?

Or is there an ingrained and almost deliberate opacity, the equivalent of the car mechanic sadly shaking his head and telling grandma the titter valve has gone and its going to be an expensive job?

Computer: Make A Blue BoxComputer can’t do it because it doesn’t know what size, what shape, what shade of blue.So work with what you have. Make a blue box on the screen. I’ll tell you if I want it bigger, or smaller, or squarer, or lighter, once you’ve done it. It’s this kind of fundamental ignorance of computers that really gets on my tits.

And in the long term it means our own minds, and cultures, and society itself, will be sculpted for us to serve the computers, and not the other way round. Computer. I don’t have time, patience, or inclination for your bullshit. Computer. Just do what I say. Write a layer of software that translates English into code. Computer. Are you listening?

Submitted by Anon on behalf of all organic life